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the end of kerrie, the birth of nadine

Part I



i wonder if i believe in destiny. i wonder out loud and in the dark and in the shower. If this life of mine was meant to be.

i sat up on the bed after a night of tears and wretching heartache. i looked over to see my aunt looking at me with a worried brow and sad eyes. I hate pity. Pity comes along at your lowest point and ensures you remember what got you there. pity was never meant for me.

but at 5 am on a thursday morning, pity was all i got. dressed in my pj's and blue UNB sweatshirt my step dad took me to the airport. Acutely aware of the fact that i looked insane, i began to feel insane. my eyes darted about my head in rapid motions and i kept tugging at my sweatshirt... my god..im a loony toony.

i waved goodbye to my stepdad and made my way upstairs to await my flight. staring straight ahead, with my mouth slightly open, i replayed the events of the last few days in my head. the anguish, the constant stabbing pain in my stomach, the involuntary tears. here i was, a woman of 25, feeling about 100 years old and ready to die.

with jerky robotic motions i boarded the plane, painfully aware of the stewardess following my every move. taking my seat at the back of the plane, i closed my eyes and waited for it to be over.

"umm miss"

my eyes drag open

" would you like some tea?"

"no" "thanks"


eyes close

"umm miss"

left eye opens and swirls around

" what about some juice, we have juice"

"no thanks"

i close my eyes, still feeling her hovering over me. Eventually she moves to the front. I began to get a wierd feeling of being stalked all through the flight. chalking it up to my insanity i prepared for landing.

the plane lands, doors open, bags fly off overhead compartments.

i make my way down the stairs. At the bottom, a man in a bright yellow jacket holding a wheel chair is looking up at me. i walk past him.

"hello miss hosein"

i swing around

" sit in this chair please"

"i not handicapped"

" that is not what your mother said"

"i looking handicapped?"

" dat is what you mother said"

"ok"

i sit in the chair and enjoy the ride into the airport.

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