Skip to main content

the end of kerrie, the birth of nadine

Part III

if ever there was a synaptic misfire (duh ask meh wuh dat mean eh), it happened when i sat in the wheelchair and was wheeled through customs and straight out to my mom's car. From then on i saw things happening around me in slow motion, accompanied by a steady humming sound in my head. I saw my mom's lips moving, her eyesbrows bunching and could only imagine what she was saying.

I did not care.

I did not care to know, to feel, to live.

and so the cookie mash up. one day i was a vibrant bubbly very lovable chick with a good sense of style (yea baby!), next thing i am a walking bag of bones, with no ass, frizzy hair, dark circles under my eyes and a compulsive need to spit at everyone and bark in foriegn languages. Love really does suck.

anyone who ever thought they were in love, slap yuhself. I remember the feeling of dred everytime an event like christmas, birthdays or valentine's came around. You had to go all out or else was pressa! not like buying stuff for your family,where you could get away with buying something they cyah stand, so you could keep it for yourself, or borrowing money from dem and giving it back for christmas. This was real torture. Choosing the right card, wrapping the right gift with loooove, then thinking up something creative and loaded with an extra side of mushiness to write.

Love, what a pain in the ass. It was like falling into a deep pile of shit and drowning yourself slowly while trying not to enhale. At 21, i was not ready for love. At 25 i was not ready for it to end.



Comments

Desannec said…
Preach it Sista!! Been There Too. Love Stinks!!
10:02 am, February 16, 2007
Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Hello To the Rest of my Life

I slowly traced my name in the sand. Around me I could hear the waves come to life from a night of dark calmness. 7 am, reading on Sunset Beach was never a place or time I expected I’d ever be. I looked out onto the water and saw him swimming. Above him a plane painstakingly maneuvered its way to the runaway behind me. I braced myself for the sudden gush of wind that would follow its taxi. The sun streamed down on my shoulders as I sat daydreaming. I felt completely content… not a worry, not a care, not a reason to stress, perfect calm. I watched the wind blow lightly over my name etched in sand and I began thinking back over the last few days. I mapped a situation in my head that never unfolded. From the crazy little clues he kept leaving for me to the final invitation for lunch at the lighthouse, I began to imagine myself being pushed over the edge of the cliff by the swift fluid movement of his palm. Fear began to set in. The ride to Grand Revere was full of laughter and singing, wi...
1 comment
Read more

Just a Little Scrunter

Even at 7 am, the streets were filled with music. It was like everyone around wanted to shout in some way that the year was almost over, soon it would be time to dust off the Christmas tree and swap the normal curtains for the special Christmas ones. The Corner of Frederick and Park had a special feeling surrounding it. Inside Excellent Plaza, you could see the decorations being hung at Emdad's , ready for the next wave of Christmas enthusiasts to come in and grapple over the price for a few glass angels and furry lint covered santas . I love the smell that some from Charlotte Street during December. A smooth, fresh mix of rum, cigarette smoke, roast pork, pastelles and puncha creme wafts through the air and around the corners of each street it intertwines with, making shoppers dizzy and slightly crazy. I remember times I would walk along Brian Lara Promenade, from Royal Bank to Roytec , the sound of parang coming from Excellent City Centre ( de bigger one before it burnt d...
3 comments
Read more
Nothing gives me pleasure more than stealing books. Whether i take them from a library or an individual, the thrill is the same. And if someone is willing to actually lend me a book with the expectation i will return it when i am done, the thrill increases tremendously. When I was around 5 my mom seemed to catch on to this. After theffin about five of my aunt's Miles and Boon from de cardboard box under the step by aunty Mels , and trying real hard to sniff out the bookworms, and finally attempting to chew the pages, my mom bought me my first set of real books to devour on my own. It is a beautiful set of Sesame Street Encyclopedias! Complete with a run through every country by Oscar and Telly Monster soap operas.. i was in love. She followed this with a set of Junior Britannica Encyclopedias and a junior scrabble. I wonder what she was pullin , because i was outside making mud cakes with baby powder icing to feed Ren and Mimi, under the two table horse covered by ah curtain ...
1 comment
Read more