Skip to main content

Sex and Golden Ray

"Ms Hosein"

"Yes?"

"It hava man dong here who want to talk to yuh"

"Who is he..?"

"Look I eh no nah, buh.."

"Well find out ."

ringgggggg!

"Ms Hosein"

"Yes"

"Ah send him up."

"Deron!"


knock knock!

"Amm come in."

"You is Ms Hosein?"

"Yes"

"I is Mr Elliot. De parang man."

"Oh Mr Elliot! How are you? Please sit down."

Having seated Mr Elliot, on the only free chair in my office, I proceeded to pull up my Christmas file. I had been looking for a parang band for over a month and Mr Elliot came highly recommended by Esther across the road.

Turning to Mr Elliot, I asked him how much his fee would be for the afternoon. He looked at me with a slight grin and said,

"Well, ah did really want ah free check up in return yuh know!"

"OK.. well I am not a nurse but I can take you down to the clinic if you like, is it your prostate?"

"No is meh penis."

"Oh. well.. still we need to go to the clinic."

I attempted to get up from my chair and gestured to him to follow.

"Wait wait.. ah hava question."

"Mr Elliot de nurses are better equipped to handle medical questions..."

"No isa easy one "

Sitting back down, hesitantly I said..

"ok."

"Well... me and meh gyulfren.."

I gulped... looking at Mr Elliot I can only imagine a 75 year old woman in lingerie sauntering across a dance floor in hooker heels.. I tried to stay calm..

"uhuh..."

"Well.. de reason ah wanted to ask is because isa young people question nah and dem nurses down dey older than God cyat."

"ok.."

"well anyway.. we was having sex de udder day and she tell meh she feeling ah little pain dong dey. So I says to she well maybe is de butter..."

"The butter?" I whispered.

"Yea, de butter. Yuh see, we has always been ah using Blue Ban nah, fer years, is since i small i is use Blue Ban with de ladies and dis time when she went to de parlour she cudda only find Golden Ray.. But dat to salty to use ent??"


Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Hello To the Rest of my Life

I slowly traced my name in the sand. Around me I could hear the waves come to life from a night of dark calmness. 7 am, reading on Sunset Beach was never a place or time I expected I’d ever be. I looked out onto the water and saw him swimming. Above him a plane painstakingly maneuvered its way to the runaway behind me. I braced myself for the sudden gush of wind that would follow its taxi. The sun streamed down on my shoulders as I sat daydreaming. I felt completely content… not a worry, not a care, not a reason to stress, perfect calm. I watched the wind blow lightly over my name etched in sand and I began thinking back over the last few days. I mapped a situation in my head that never unfolded. From the crazy little clues he kept leaving for me to the final invitation for lunch at the lighthouse, I began to imagine myself being pushed over the edge of the cliff by the swift fluid movement of his palm. Fear began to set in. The ride to Grand Revere was full of laughter and singing, wi...
1 comment
Read more

Just a Little Scrunter

Even at 7 am, the streets were filled with music. It was like everyone around wanted to shout in some way that the year was almost over, soon it would be time to dust off the Christmas tree and swap the normal curtains for the special Christmas ones. The Corner of Frederick and Park had a special feeling surrounding it. Inside Excellent Plaza, you could see the decorations being hung at Emdad's , ready for the next wave of Christmas enthusiasts to come in and grapple over the price for a few glass angels and furry lint covered santas . I love the smell that some from Charlotte Street during December. A smooth, fresh mix of rum, cigarette smoke, roast pork, pastelles and puncha creme wafts through the air and around the corners of each street it intertwines with, making shoppers dizzy and slightly crazy. I remember times I would walk along Brian Lara Promenade, from Royal Bank to Roytec , the sound of parang coming from Excellent City Centre ( de bigger one before it burnt d...
3 comments
Read more
Nothing gives me pleasure more than stealing books. Whether i take them from a library or an individual, the thrill is the same. And if someone is willing to actually lend me a book with the expectation i will return it when i am done, the thrill increases tremendously. When I was around 5 my mom seemed to catch on to this. After theffin about five of my aunt's Miles and Boon from de cardboard box under the step by aunty Mels , and trying real hard to sniff out the bookworms, and finally attempting to chew the pages, my mom bought me my first set of real books to devour on my own. It is a beautiful set of Sesame Street Encyclopedias! Complete with a run through every country by Oscar and Telly Monster soap operas.. i was in love. She followed this with a set of Junior Britannica Encyclopedias and a junior scrabble. I wonder what she was pullin , because i was outside making mud cakes with baby powder icing to feed Ren and Mimi, under the two table horse covered by ah curtain ...
1 comment
Read more